HYS #16 Dayanamam/ #ICannotStandIt
Updated: Dec 21, 2020
“Move, but don’t move the way fear makes you move” - Mevlana Rumi
When isolated from the rest of the world, the relationship between Demir & Selin is beautiful and a wonderful role model for young couples - full of affection, quiet understanding and hilarity. This episode was filled with such moments, as they spent their first weekend at home alone, ensconced in domesticated bliss.
Unfortunately, they cannot grow as a couple by living in a bubble and will have to embrace the outside forces that will change the course of this initial buoyant period in their relationship.
Demir still hasn’t been able to tell Selin about Eylul, and not for lack of trying. The episode starts with Selin having a meltdown when Demir tried to share something from his past that she should know. Previously burnt by unexpected turns in their relationship just as things were getting better, Selin is intent upon living in the present and not park their happiness on another one of Demir’s principles or ghosts from the past. Coupled with her unhealthy fear of losing what she loves, she doesn’t want to deal with any dark crevices in their relationship that doesn’t have to do with the future they are building. Demir understands her fragility in this regard and wants to keep her from getting hurt. He decides to withhold the information, not to save himself but more to protect Selin. He turns his attention to creating a weekend full of happy memories.
We also come to see that Eylul has no real hold on Demir anymore. The few times he meets Eylul in this episode, we don’t see him come back and spend hours brooding on his past. He happily blends back in with Selin, focused on moving their story forward. He has truly fallen in love with her and feels that she completes him. This is not just a heady sense of love. To him, Selin means home. The way he holds her, finds every opportunity to hug her, he makes it obvious that his foremost concern is to protect her and care for her. With Selin, he has gone past his own fear of being abandoned. He knows she is his to lose.
Selin has some ways to go in this journey of love. Love is not about keeping what you have safe, locked in a box. It is also about being willing to take risks and enabling the other person to make independent choices. It is interesting that up till now we are shown Demir being the one who tries to control the partner, to the point of them feeling suffocated in the relationship. I fear that Selin, in her own way, may be inching towards the same. This is where she needs to outgrow her inhibitions and keep herself from being swept away with her fears.
Sometimes, it is through our own actions that we make our worst fears come true. A case in point is Demir’s relationship with Eylul. Through flashbacks, we are shown that Demir and Eylul had a loving, happy, full relationship. Their camaraderie seem similar to what Demir is experiencing with Selin in these early days of their love. Through his fear of Eylul abandoning him, he started to act in such possessive ways that he made his worst fear come true. So far, Eylul is not shown to be a conniving witch but an accomplished, flawed human being who made some poor choices. Many women straddle the difficult choice of personal independence through a thriving career versus a feeling of being stifled in a relationship. She took a step that affected the life of another person deeply, and her self-absorbed move has had lasting consequences.
Given that they had a long-term happy relationship to the point that they had been living together, one can begin to understand Demir’s deep personal struggle when Eylul walked out on him. The fact that he emerged on the other side of the darkness, only to find a breath of fresh air in the form of Selin, we can also begin to understand why he is being careful about how and when he tells Selin about his past. In this regard, I have often wondered why Demir hasn’t told Selin about the fact that this is his childhood home. I think it was because he did not wish to force Selin’s hand in her choice to stay or leave the home. I think it is also because, with Selin, this home is now a happy place for him again as opposed to being a set of walls that only hold sorrow and pain.
Part of the love for Her Yerde Sen is the portrayal of both Demir and Selin developing as characters as they explore their love. From restrained to flirtatious to pained to affectionate to soulful, their love story takes me to a happy place each week. It is full of hope and laughter, while the angst they face make us confront everyday choices we also make in our lives. In particular, it begs us to search for an answer to the question of “when do we dare to disturb the universe we are trying to create?”.
We already know from the trailer for #17 that Demir will tell Selin about Eylul being his ex-fiancé. As Selin, Demir & Eylul head towards the collision course of the truth of his past being revealed, will Selin and Demir weather the storm together and come out of it victorious or will they implode because one or both are unable to move past their fears?
Her Yerde Sen airs on Fridays at 8 pm Turkish time, and can be watched live on the FoxTurkiye channel online.
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